Life, Feeling Trapped...Unlike Others09:46
Everybody struggles with negative periods in their lives, they are something we all go through...sadly. Whether it be stress from exams or work, or something as huge as the death of a close one, it can feel as though we are trapped in a box and locked away from positivity.
A few months ago, I wrote a blog post (well technically, I scribbled it in a notebook and I even drew a little diagram) one night at about 12am. I did consider typing it up a few days later and sharing it but, I felt slightly apprehensive about it as I was being pessimistic and preferably I'd like to try and keep away from sharing negative content. But, then I came across it the other day and thought 'what the hell I'm going to share it'. Why? Well, I feel as though things have changed since writing it and it made me realise that life is full of ups and downs. Just because it feels like you are stuck in a negative period, for what feels like forever, there is always something good coming.
A few months ago....At the moment, I'm feeling in a bit of void. I feel as though I'm just plodding through life. I can't imagine much of an exciting future that will be any different from the way my life is right now - which is basically just a continuous cycle of learning (at the moment college and then possibly uni), spending countless hours on my laptop, eating, sleeping and repeating.
It's not as if I don't try to do things, but it just seems that wherever/whatever I do, I just come to locked doors. For example, I have been trying to get a simple part time job for 2 years. When I look around me, I see people my age quitting a job one week and having another the next, or simply getting a job through someone their parents know. Yes, I did get a paper round for a few months but that was only once a week and wasn't much. I am grateful that I had at least something so that I could put money towards things I'd like and stop relying on my parents as much - but with around £5 a week that's pretty difficult to do.
It would be nice to add a little bit of socialising into the cycle, but not only do I have only a small group of friends, they all have their friends outside of college. To add to this, I'm not the most sociable of people. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with friends, but when I'm introduced to new people I crawl back into my shell as I find it so scary (this is literally what my first blog post was about). That's why I enjoy blogging, as I can share content and connect with people in an environment I'm comfortable with.
Combining the above two with the prospect of uni this year terrifies me. I will have to meet a bunch of new people and, although I'm doing a subject I enjoy learning about, narrowing my studying down to just one subject panics me because it feels like I'm making a big commitment. To top that off, I have no clue what I want to do after uni ( I thought I did, and I still like the idea of that something, but I'm not sure). I understand that this is a common thing amongst so many people. But it would be great if you have opinions, advice etc to give on this as sometimes it's nice to hear what others have to say - as it can help or give a different perspective.
There is a whole list of things I would love to do/achieve and it would be brilliant if I can start unlocking doors (I know it's a cheesy way of putting it but it's the best way I can think of explaining it).
Reading this back over has actually made me smile as things have started to change. It's great to be able to look back and see that right around the corner, from when I wrote this, things where going to start looking up. I'm not saying, by any means, that I'm now living life my 'perfect' way. Nope. Nobody's life can ever be perfect, in my opinion. Yes, sometimes it seems like some individuals live a 'perfect' life, especially bloggers and Youtubers, but everyone is dealing with something even if it is just a minutiae thing. Some have even spoken about it themselves, for example Zoella.
I think one of the main messages I'm trying to get through in this post is - don't compare yourself to others and it is important to remember that things effect each of us differently; something that might seem petty to you, may be a huge stressor for someone else.